If your love life has become more tedious than tempting, it's time for a shake-up between the sheets.

Learn from the past

Many couples think wistfully about the good old days when their sex was passionate and plentiful. You may feel that those days are gone for good, or that you have to resort to more radical activities to get as turned on as you used to.

Think of the best sexual experience you've had as a couple. Then each make a list, stating what you did, what your partner did, what environment you were in and what happened before, during and after. Discuss your lists with each other and agree on something you'd like to try again, then make a point of doing it within the next week.

Fit girls have more fun

Research shows that the fitter you are, the better your sex will be. Why? Regular exercise improves body image, and women who exercise regularly are more likely to view themselves as sexually attractive. A positive body image is an essential part of a healthy sex life. Exercise also improves stamina and blood flow to the genital region, enhancing the sexual experience. If you (or your partner) are carrying extra weight, this can have a negative effect, since the more body fat you have, the higher your level of sex hormone binding globulin (SHBG). This natural chemical binds to testosterone, and research suggests that with more testosterone bound to SHBG, there is less available to stimulate sexual desire. We can't think of a better reason to take up a new sport and make an effort to lose that extra body weight this year.

Change the way you think about sex

We can regulate our sexual urges and responses by how we think about sex, since sex drive is strongly influenced by chemicals in our bodies that respond to messages in our brains. Think yourself into it by focusing on thoughts that turn you on, or mentally replaying satisfying sexual experiences of the past. Also use sexual fantasies to enhance your relationship. Some women associate fantasies with inappropriate behavior, but fantasies offer an opportunity to explore forbidden territory with safety.

Don't force the issue

Don't try to force yourself to feel sexual excitement when you're not in the mood. When men lose their erections, they often become self-conscious and try to force what should be a natural process of sexual excitement. Unfortunately, this usually has the opposite effect, and the same goes for women when it comes to sexual arousal and lubrication. If this is an ongoing issue in your relationship, it could be an indication of more serious sexual problems. Communicate with your partner and find an expert to help you address the matter if necessary.

Explore role-playing

In counseling, role-playing allows people to remove themselves from a situation and see it from another point of view. Role-playing in the bedroom works in a similar way and allows people to let go of their inhibitions during sex because they allow their 'character' to say and do things they might not usually feel comfortable expressing. Be careful not to over-analyze things. Simply enjoy role-playing for the excitement and novelty it can bring to your relationship. If you're not sure how to broach the topic with your partner, remember that bringing up new sexual activities could make him feel insecure. Reassure him that the reason you're able to express these desires is because you feel so safe and secure in your relationship with him.

Spend quality time together

Make it a rule to give your partner at least 10 minutes of your undivided attention every day. This doesn't mean sitting on the couch watching TV - it means turning off the TV, facing each other and talking about your day. Remember to maintain eye contact when your partner is talking. Observe his body language, ask yourself what emotions he may be experiencing and listen to what he says without interrupting or reacting defensively.

Be sensual before you are sexual

Touching, massaging, bathing together and towel rubs all stimulate natural nerve endings in our skins, releasing pleasurable neuro-hormones that relax us. Take turns to be the giver and receiver. Touch, massage, stroke, lick and tickle each other and feel your senses come alive. Think of sex as a bit like back scratching. Your partner has no way of knowing what feels good to you unless you let him know. This can be difficult if you're not used to speaking openly about sexual matters, but it is crucial to break that silence and speak up if you want to enhance your sexual relationship.

Forget the Big O

Don't get so hung up on the goal that you ignore or rush the process. Trying too hard to have an orgasm can prevent you from having one, or from enjoying it when it arrives. Slow down, and pay attention to your partner's experience. By being fully present in the moment, rather than focusing on the end result, you'll both learn to take your time and enjoy the sexual process together - whether or not it ends in orgasm.

Quantity counts

Sex itself is the ultimate libido booster. Oxytocin is a hormonal by-product of orgasms that helps us form emotional bonds and keeps us feeling in love with our partners over the years. The more sex you have, the more you want; and having regular, tender, less frantic sex actually increases the likelihood of hot passionate encounters.



Put it on Paper

Make a list of new sexual experiences you'd like to try and get him to do the same for you. Swap lists and respond to each suggestion with yes, no or maybe. Write down all the 'yes' scenarios on separate pieces of paper, fold them up and put them into a box. Once a month, draw and act out one of these.

You could include anything from acting out a specific fantasy, reading erotic fiction together or experimenting with new toys. You could also make a box for the 'maybe' scenarios and draw from this one when you're feeling more adventurous. Remember that fantasizing about something like being forced to perform sex doesn't mean that you really want it to happen. Usually the more taboo a fantasy is, the more arousing it will be, and this doesn't make you a bad person.